I used to love drawing and scribbling my life away, but then I got to art school at 15 and you can probably see where it goes. I majored in Graphic Design, as I didn´t get into Illustration nor Painting, but I was still kinda promising so they offered me this spot. This was common practice - the "good enough" of us were offered a place at less desirable majors. This creatited some divide and a lots of feelings of inadequacy, but hey. We didn´t burn out at the age of 15 just because of this. One of the first sentences we ever heard was:
"All of you used to be most talented kids at your elementary school. But here, every single one of you is the most talented one..."
Reading my old blog posts now I realise how terrible I felt. Every morning (I commuted, so I woke up at 5:30) was fuelled with coffee, energy drinks, and anxiety. Of course, my class was great - it was there that I realised that I´m friendly and charismatic enough to be producer/manager.
Well. Only now I´m realising that this is sad, but I have already estabilished myself as a producer, so. Well. Thanks for rising and grinding every day, teen me?
I wasn´t good at crafts (never, I can´t even cut straight with scissors), struggled to develop a personal style BUT I was good at realism. I didn´t suck as much at figurals nor still life, even though the lessons still made me anxious. We had nice yet critical teachers.
I drew this for first year finals. Verdict? A, "I wanted to give you B, but I was over voted." (In kind words of my form teacher.)
I was burned out and resented drawing. On the flip side, I was writing stories and songs, playing guitar (and unsuccessfully starting bands) and did a lot of fibre arts, so it´s not like I was without an outlet.
In my second year, I got into digital drawing at the time. I wish a kept more of them.
It got better right before the end of my third year. I was fully set on being a movie maker now, so I got at least some sense of self worth.
I was enjoying drawing again. Mostly markers, highlighters and pens. I didn´t occupy myself too much with realism - when I didn´t have the right colour (which mostly happened during portaits) I just gave my friends a dye job. I went off on vibes mostly - I still feel like this is the best way to do art.
While I was openly hostile towards reneissance at the time (oh, the rebellion of the youth - we even used to have Giorgio Vasari hate club) I actually enjoyed it a lot. Reneissance, Gothic and Baroque were among my biggest influences when it came to figures and scenes. It was quite the contrast compared to my impressionist, fauvist and other late 19th/early 20th centuries still lifes.
Can you believe I used to see myself as a disgrace that should never show anyone her work?
Later on college happened and I didn´t have much time for drawing anymore. Or anything, really, even college. I don´t remember that much from my first year. All of it went over my head way too quickly and soon I felt the need to escape. I ended up on Erasmus in Paris.
Some people will tell you that Paris is not worth it. Well, I have never felt as inspired. My weekends (I had an internship during week) were spent in museums, galleries and by drawing. I spent so much time trying to find the best possible view, only for shadows to start shifting way too quickly and ruining my plans.
Then it got too cold, so I started drawing in my tiny apartment instead. It wasn´t heated either, sometimes it wa so freezing I still remember some nights where I wasn´t sure if I´m going to wake up.
I also started to draw OCs again. I spent hours trying to develop a personal style, as I love drawing comics and little snippets of their life. It´s still very much a work in the process, but you´ll be the first one to see the finished work.
I think I´m pretty good at drawing pretty people.
These days, I draw less. I tried to go out and draw during summer, but I´m always so busy, I´m happy to come home and go to bed. I hope it will get better after I graduate. When I do draw, it´s either pixels or little drawing on spare paper, and I tend to throw these away.
